The Orgy was a floating ship with red sails. It was enormous and Jim couldn’t fit it into his brain.
It’s like New York City flying over Tennessee, he thought.
“How big is this place?” he said.
“You’re looking at it.”
“No, I mean, like, the whole thing. Paradise.”
Cherry flicked him in the nose. “Your head needs a leash,” she said. “Plenty of those up there. Only one way up.” She pointed to the catapult.
“Aren’t you coming?” Jim said.
Cherry licked chicken grease from her fingers. “I need some R’n’R,” she said. “You know, watch some Ghostbusters, ride some dolphins. That sort of thing.”
Jim strapped in. “Well, any advice?”
“Don’t freak out. Everything grows back.”
She pulled the lever.
He flew in through a window and landed on feather down. He stood up and saw that he was in an empty room. There were four doors, and over each was a sign. One said “straight”, another “gay”, and a third for “either way”. The fourth was written in flames that read “MANIAC”.
Jim considered the flames but shook his head.
“Baby steps,” he said.
He went in through the straight door.
A woman mounted him. She had wild red hair. Jim hadn’t even known he was naked. Or that he was hard. She finished after nine pumps, shook with pleasure, leaned back and breathed fire.
“Hi,” Jim said.
But she sprinted away and dove headfirst into a pool of vibrating bedposts.
Jim was hard and lathered and disoriented. He grabbed another woman and tried to kiss her. She slapped him across the face and pointed to a sign that flashed high in the dome.
“Sorry,” Jim said. He shrugged and pointed at his erection. She obliged.
He looked around while she worked on him. Cages hung from the domed ceiling. Beds bigger than houses crawled with the wildest sex he’d ever seen. Trampolines threw couples mid-coitus through a goal post, their form and style judged by three serious men. Soft strobe lights and a bass drum gave it all a rhythmic pulse.
Jim finished and the woman stood. There was green on her face. He sniffed it.
She pushed the rest of it into her mouth and sucked her finger clean. A coy smile and she was gone.
A brief stroll landed him in twenty-three unique holes. He climaxed several times, and the contents of his penis seemed to depend on the woman. One guzzled down his strawberry yogurt, another bathed in a spray of Jim perfume. The final shot was his, and a single firework exploded over the Orgy.
Beneath its flash he saw an angel standing high on a golden table. The angel was cut like a diamond with a white shock of greasy hair, violently itching his scalp and producing a flurry of snow. Five large-breasted woman collected the snow, cut it, diced it into lines.
“What is this?” Jim asked one of the women.
“The dreams of Beelzebub,” she said. She snorted some and her forehead parted beneath the lips of a quivering vagina. She fingered it and a dove flew out of her mouth.
“Angel dust,” she said.
Beelzebub threw back his hair and spread his arms. “Fly like the angels fly,” he said. “See what the angels see. Fuck like the angels fuck.”
“Okay,” Jim said. He snorted a line.
The nearest woman was a tiny brunette and he pounded her into the floor. He grabbed another and buried his face in her. When the top of his head sprung a dick, a third began to ride it.
“I’m a fuckin unicorn!”
A crowd gathered. They began to chant. “Un-i-corn! Un-icorn! Un-i-corn!”
“Fly!” roared Beelzebub. “Fly!”
The small of Jim’s back grew hard and he was mounted again.
His fingers ballooned with veins and heads. There was a soft warm mouth for each.
Elbows, ankles, ears, thighs. Jim was a spiny lizard, shaking with pleasure, drenched in tit sweat and twat skeet. He wanted more.
“Infinite dicks!” he cried.
The chanting stopped.
The feminine warmth disappeared and the music stopped. Each new erection sprouted two more, and each of those another two. He soon filled the entire dome. Glass shattered, beams broke. Screams fell out the windows.
Beelzebub’s roar was distant now. With each doubling the red sails faded.
Jim was the groaning nucleus of an atomic cock.
And then there was orgasm.
Jim floated in a universe of his creation. Chicken wings and beer formed gaseous nebulae. Chevy comets barreled through open space. Baseballs and hockey pucks bounced around like quarks and kicked up atoms of whiskey, carburetors, fishing poles and labrador retrievers. Good old fashioned cum swirled in giant balls, combusted, became a thousand shining stars.
“You goddamn crazy hillbilly!”
The voice came from the driver’s window of a Silverado. The face was old, the eyes were deep, the hair was frazzled.
“I finally found it!” the old man said. “The edge of Paradise! And you blew it out your nozzle!”
“The edge of Paradise?” Jim said. “Dude, I was just thinking about that!”
“Well, it was right here before you nutted a big fuckin bang.”
“Where is it now?”
Einstein pointed. “I’d say it’s about a universe in that direction.”
“Well let’s go!”
Einstein narrowed his gaze. “You don’t have any Camaros in there, do you?”
“Well, if we run out of gas, you’re pushing.”
Einstein floored it. The engine purred. A red button throttled them through hyperspace. Light came in particle waves and time melted. It’s kinda like Star Wars, Jim thought. The thought was seven parsecs long.
With one hand on the wheel Einstein pulled a joint from his shirt pocket. He fumbled the lighter. “Shit,” he said. When he bent down to search the floor the Silverado veered. Jim reached for the wheel too late. The Silverado rolled.
They were ejected at light speed. The truck spun like a top behind them.
“It’s okay!” Einstein called out, holding up the lighter. The joint flared against the myriad. “An object in motion will stay in motion!”
A flick, and the joint somersaulted through the vacuum. Jim caught it, hit it, returned it. “How do we stop?” he called back.
Einstein shrugged. “How about that Camaro?”
“I’ve got something better!” He unzipped, closed his eyes, thought of Cherry, and masturbated. When he looked up, the Millennium Falcon was soaring.
They entered through the hatch.
“Your nozzle’s a goddamn golden goose!”
“What’s your name, hillbilly?”
“Well, Jim, strap in. Next stop is Nowhere.”
The edge was an abrupt black wall. Einstein parked the Falcon and they went outside to have a look.
“What’s on the other side?” Jim said.
“I don’t have a clue.”
Jim was surprised. “I thought you were Einstein.”
“Fuck you, hillbilly.”
Einstein paced along the Falcon’s hull, observing the stark wall. He paused, chin in hand, lost in thought.
“What?” Jim said.
Einstein started. “Oh! This place, it seems to expand under pressure from the mind. If the expansion were physical, a static edge is out of the question. That’s not a mistake I mean to make twice.” He looked back at the universe. “Your ejaculation is puzzling, however. Perhaps the experience of it pushed the boundaries out. Then the ejaculate itself merely occupied the resulting space.”
“What does that mean?”
“Observe,” Einstein said. He put his hand out to touch the wall, but the wall moved back an inch. “I want to touch the edge. To want is to think. Thinking makes this place get bigger. The wall retreats.”
Jim snapped his fingers. “I’ll go! Maybe it’s because you’re Einstein. Like, your brain is too big. Maybe I can make it through.”
“I considered it, but your eligibility renders you incompetent.”
“You’re too dumb to bring back any useful information.”
More pacing. Jim mimicked Einstein’s movements, thinking his brain might follow suit. It didn’t. Einstein stopped suddenly and counted his fingers.
“I’ve got it! Jim, you have to push me!” He stood on the Falcon’s edge with his back to the wall. “I’ll stop thinking and you just shove me right through!”
“Really? Just like that?”
“Simplicity is the engine of the universe. Do it!”
Einstein closed his eyes and folded his arms. Jim shrugged and pushed.
“Oh shit,” Jim said. “Oh shit.” He peered over the side of the Falcon. Nothing. “I did not just push Einstein out of the universe. Unless I did. Think, Jim. Think!”
The universe expanded.
“Shit! Stop thinking, no more thinking.”
Jim was looking up at the wall, dumb and helpless, when the dull end of a chain emerged. When he grabbed it there was resistance. He put all of his weight behind it and drew it out of the wall link by link. At the end of the chain was an envelope. He opened it.
Nice fucking push. I’m going to be a while. Don’t wait up.
I found these under a white hole. I won’t be needing them. Good luck, hillbilly.
There was something in the envelope. Jim emptied its contents into his hand, paused, scratched his head.
It was a glossy red pair of dice.